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The current period represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the terms this generation is using to talk about romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly benign quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {